This summer, I vow to make it the summer of spontaneity, of letting go, and loosening my slightly tight ass. I vow it to be the summer of my first kiss, not the one where I wait for someone to make it happen for me but the one where I hold someone's face and do it myself...because I want to and because I won't obsess over the meaning or morals of it.
It sounds stupid, but I think this vow is highly influenced by Yes Man. Not that it gave me the idea, but that it put all my own thoughts straight in front of my face.
I hide behind my "moral standards" but really it's all just because it's easier to say no and remain the same than it is to say yes and do something I've never done before. I know this about myself. I have always known this about myself. But I don't think it'll really really hit me until someone calls me out on it. Everyone puts me at this moral pinnacle (which is such bullshit and just makes me lie to myself even more) and then I keep saying no when I should say yes. They make me feel proud of my hide out and my "morals" when really I'm ashamed of it sometimes because it keeps me stuck where I am. If my friends don't call me out on it at the right time, then I think I'm going to stay like this until I meet a guy who isn't afraid to tell me to "stop acting self righteous when in reality you aren't...when in reality you're just hiding and I'm not going to let you." Or something less rehearsed and movie-like.
I see the bullshit. And I try to overcome it. Sometimes I do. I really try. But it's easy to keep acting when everyone on set thinks that's the real you.
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somehow i think a vow expressed deep into the bowels of the internet will merely end up being a dumpster for overflowing emotions. a place where you can safely store your insecurities, your problems -- and even your hopes -- where they can't interfere with your life's business as usual.
RispondiEliminapeople who change their lives don't write a blog post about it. people who change their lives change too quickly to notice it. it's only after the butterfly notices the cocoon that it even remembers being a caterpillar.
but i wish you good luck anyways, especially with your kiss! =)
thanks....i think?
RispondiEliminai whole heartedly disagree and find that slightly insulting...but oh well. writing a blog is no different than writing for my own personal sake, to sort through my thoughts...to make promises to myself. just because other people read them doesn't make it any different.
just because you notice a change quickly doesn't mean it happened quickly. but thank you for thinking my heartfelt post that i teared up through is going into the dumpster! :) kthxbye