...is feeling the same way you are.
Humans are rather unoriginal.
In fact, I highly doubt the concept of originality really exists.
The personal is really nonexistent.
Secrets are only what they are in your own mind. Because anything you're hiding, most people know, most people experience, and most people can presume about you. Yet we keep hiding it all. Yet we continue to not discuss things. Yet we think each and everyone of us is an individual with all these unique and personal thoughts and secrets.
"Anyhow, he asked himself, what is an intimate secret? Is that where we hide what’s most mysterious, most singular, most original about a human being? Are her intimate secrets what make Chantal the unique being he loves? No. What people keep secret is the most common, the most ordinary, the most prevalent thing, the same thing everybody has: the body and its needs, its maladies, its manias---constipation, for instance, or menstruation. We ashamedly conceal these intimate matters not because they are so personal but because, on the contrary, they are so lamentably impersonal."
On the rare occasion that a person has personal information that is rare and limited to very few human beings (relatively of course, 500,000 as opposed to 1 billion), it's likely they want to share it with the world--have someone to talk to, express it online, divulge it to your world's audience in a blog. We often find that it's even easiest to tell the most emotionally intimate information to the newest of strangers. But we wouldn't dare say something we know all humans deal with such as a sex drive. No no no, that would be far too intimate whereas discussing your grandfather's recent passing and how you feel about that is not.
I notice that we keep secretive the most common of things simply out of shame. We are ashamed of the things we cannot control--the things that are there against are will. We are ashamed of all the things that seem to make us so pathetically identical to the entirety of the human race.
venerdì 28 agosto 2009
lunedì 24 agosto 2009
Going going.
back back, to Cali Cali.
TODAY!
I've been in the dirty south for approximately three weeks now, and I have enjoyed every minute of it. I have been here so long that I have developed an entirely new and comfortable routine. (I'm a woman of routine with occasional spontaneity.) However, I really really miss my old routine. I miss reading in my bed at night. I miss commuting in my car. I miss my car. I miss having ALL my clothes. I miss being annoyed by my sister. I miss making corny jokes with my daddy. I miss having to go to work and school (which will get old soon, I realize, but nevertheless...). I miss old town orange and the movie theater across from my work where I miss catching the occasional solitary movie going experience after a day's work.
I can't wait to get back to see my dad who is in poor health. I can't wait to have a girl's night with the sister (which means renting some cheeesy sci fi movie and watching it in the room downstairs). I can't wait to CLEAN OUT MY CLOSET and ORGANIZE MY ROOM. I have not been able to channel my bouts of OCD so my untouched room is waiting for me. I can't wait for my Panther newspaper meetings to start. I can't wait to show all the editors how art direction is going to take place this semester. I can't wait to start looking through all the textbooks that emptied a good chunk of my savings.
Ahhh, California--home--how I've missed thee.
But oh my, Georgia, how I will miss you. My niece and nephew. My sister. (I have two) Conversations on the deck while listening to the night time buzz of insects and frogs in the forest around us. The sporadic summer storms of unbelievably gorgeous lightning, thunder, and sheets of rain. My sister's amazing black and sage tea (PERFECTION). The aforementioned good looking fellow. Outings in the city, passing by my possible future graduate school.
Like I said, it's strange having your heart in two places.
But for now, I'm ready to return to my humble abode.
TODAY!
I've been in the dirty south for approximately three weeks now, and I have enjoyed every minute of it. I have been here so long that I have developed an entirely new and comfortable routine. (I'm a woman of routine with occasional spontaneity.) However, I really really miss my old routine. I miss reading in my bed at night. I miss commuting in my car. I miss my car. I miss having ALL my clothes. I miss being annoyed by my sister. I miss making corny jokes with my daddy. I miss having to go to work and school (which will get old soon, I realize, but nevertheless...). I miss old town orange and the movie theater across from my work where I miss catching the occasional solitary movie going experience after a day's work.
I can't wait to get back to see my dad who is in poor health. I can't wait to have a girl's night with the sister (which means renting some cheeesy sci fi movie and watching it in the room downstairs). I can't wait to CLEAN OUT MY CLOSET and ORGANIZE MY ROOM. I have not been able to channel my bouts of OCD so my untouched room is waiting for me. I can't wait for my Panther newspaper meetings to start. I can't wait to show all the editors how art direction is going to take place this semester. I can't wait to start looking through all the textbooks that emptied a good chunk of my savings.
Ahhh, California--home--how I've missed thee.
But oh my, Georgia, how I will miss you. My niece and nephew. My sister. (I have two) Conversations on the deck while listening to the night time buzz of insects and frogs in the forest around us. The sporadic summer storms of unbelievably gorgeous lightning, thunder, and sheets of rain. My sister's amazing black and sage tea (PERFECTION). The aforementioned good looking fellow. Outings in the city, passing by my possible future graduate school.
Like I said, it's strange having your heart in two places.
But for now, I'm ready to return to my humble abode.
giovedì 20 agosto 2009
So true!
It's what I say after every time I read horoscopes or anything dealing with astrology. Now you may make fun, but I don't care. I'm not an idiot. I realize there is a bogus element to it, choosing just the right words and phrasing that can really allow horoscopes and predictions to apply to anyone at anytime. Many will say, it's just a matter of subjectivity. BUT, sometimes these things are just way too fucking accurate and it makes me think, "Even if this isn't real or fact, there's this level of accomplishment it reaches in pointing out interesting things in YOUR reality."
It's like interpreting a poem. It isn't saying specifically to you something about you and your life. But we often read it that way. The word choice and thoughts it presents are just the right things to make you think of how it applies to you--vague yet easily subjective. Does that invalidate the legitimacy and value of the poem? No. That is, for the most part, how I see astrology with varying moments of belief in some validity in the ideas that the alignments of space and time do create certain personalities and...happenings.
"The hands on the dial of a clock turn in a circle. The zodiac, as drawn by an astrologer, also resembles a dial. A horoscope is a clock. Whether we believe in the predictions of astrology or not, a horoscope is a metaphor of life that conceals great wisdom.
How does an astrologer draw your horoscope? He makes a circle, an image of the heavenly sphere, and divides it into twelve parts representing the individual signs: the ram, the bull, twins, and so on. Into this zodiac circle he then places symbols representing the sun, moon, and seven planets exactly where these stars stood at the moment of your birth. It is as if he took a clock dial regularly divided into twelve hours and added nine more numbers, irregularly distributed. Nine hands turn on the dial: they are the sun, moon, and planets as they move through the universe in the course of your life. Each planet-hand is constantly forming ever-new relationships with the planet numbers, the fixed signs of your horoscope.
The unrepeatable configuration of the stars at the moment of your birth forms the permanent theme of your life, its algebraic definition, the thumbprint of your personality; the stars immobilized on your horoscope form angles with respect to one another whose dimensions, expressed in degrees, have various meanings (negative, positive, neutral) : imagine that your amorous Venus is in conflict with your aggressive Mars; that the sun, representing your social personality, is strengthened by a conjunction with energetic, adventurous Uranus; that your sexuality symbolized by Luna is connected with dreamy Neptune; and so on. But in the course of their motion the hands of the moving stars will touch the fixed points of the horoscope and put into play (weaken, support, threaten) various elements of your life's theme. And that's life: it does not resemble a picaresque novel in which from one chapter to the next the hero is continually being surprised by new events that have no common denominator. It resembles a composition that musicians call a theme with variations.
Uranus strides across the sky relatively slowly. It takes seven years for it to traverse a single sign. Let's assume that today it is in a dramatic relation to the immovable sun of your horoscope (for example, at a ninety-degree angle): you are experiencing a difficult period; in twenty one years this situation will repeat itself (Uranus will then make an angle of 180 degrees with your sun, which has an equally unfortunate significance), but the similarity will be deceptive, because by the time your sun is attacked by Uranus, Saturn will be in such a harmonious relationship with your Venus that the storm will merely tiptoe past you. It is as if you had a new bout of the same disease, except that now you would find yourself in a fabulous hospital where instead of impatient nurses you would be cared for by angels.
Supposedly, astrology teaches us fatalism: you won't escape your fate! But in my view, astrology (please understand, astrology as a metaphor of life) says something far more subtle: you won't escape your life's theme! From this it follows, for example, that it is sheer illusion to want to start all over again, to begin "a new life" that does not resemble the preceding one, to begin, so to speak, from zero. Your life will always be built from the same materials, the same bricks, the same problems, and what will seem to you at first "a new life" will soon turn out to be just a variation of your old existence.
A horoscope resembles a clock, and a clock is a school of finality: as soon as a hand completes its circle and returns to its starting point, one phase is finished. Nine hands turn with varying speed on the horoscope dial and constantly some phase comes to an end and another begins. When someone is young, he is not capable of conceiving of time as a circle, but thinks of it as a road leading forward to ever-new horizons; he does not yet sense that his life contains just a single theme; he will come to realize it only when his life begins to enact its first variations."
And so I decided, out of boredom, to check my astrological compatibility with a rather fine looking sweet man I have come to know. This is not fact. It is a thematic evaluation that is very close and very accurate to MY reality that I take into consideration the next time I happen to spend some time with this fellow.
So as long as a guy isn't a complete creeper, I could see myself not being turned off by the cheesy line, "So what's your sign?"
It's like interpreting a poem. It isn't saying specifically to you something about you and your life. But we often read it that way. The word choice and thoughts it presents are just the right things to make you think of how it applies to you--vague yet easily subjective. Does that invalidate the legitimacy and value of the poem? No. That is, for the most part, how I see astrology with varying moments of belief in some validity in the ideas that the alignments of space and time do create certain personalities and...happenings.
"The hands on the dial of a clock turn in a circle. The zodiac, as drawn by an astrologer, also resembles a dial. A horoscope is a clock. Whether we believe in the predictions of astrology or not, a horoscope is a metaphor of life that conceals great wisdom.
How does an astrologer draw your horoscope? He makes a circle, an image of the heavenly sphere, and divides it into twelve parts representing the individual signs: the ram, the bull, twins, and so on. Into this zodiac circle he then places symbols representing the sun, moon, and seven planets exactly where these stars stood at the moment of your birth. It is as if he took a clock dial regularly divided into twelve hours and added nine more numbers, irregularly distributed. Nine hands turn on the dial: they are the sun, moon, and planets as they move through the universe in the course of your life. Each planet-hand is constantly forming ever-new relationships with the planet numbers, the fixed signs of your horoscope.
The unrepeatable configuration of the stars at the moment of your birth forms the permanent theme of your life, its algebraic definition, the thumbprint of your personality; the stars immobilized on your horoscope form angles with respect to one another whose dimensions, expressed in degrees, have various meanings (negative, positive, neutral) : imagine that your amorous Venus is in conflict with your aggressive Mars; that the sun, representing your social personality, is strengthened by a conjunction with energetic, adventurous Uranus; that your sexuality symbolized by Luna is connected with dreamy Neptune; and so on. But in the course of their motion the hands of the moving stars will touch the fixed points of the horoscope and put into play (weaken, support, threaten) various elements of your life's theme. And that's life: it does not resemble a picaresque novel in which from one chapter to the next the hero is continually being surprised by new events that have no common denominator. It resembles a composition that musicians call a theme with variations.
Uranus strides across the sky relatively slowly. It takes seven years for it to traverse a single sign. Let's assume that today it is in a dramatic relation to the immovable sun of your horoscope (for example, at a ninety-degree angle): you are experiencing a difficult period; in twenty one years this situation will repeat itself (Uranus will then make an angle of 180 degrees with your sun, which has an equally unfortunate significance), but the similarity will be deceptive, because by the time your sun is attacked by Uranus, Saturn will be in such a harmonious relationship with your Venus that the storm will merely tiptoe past you. It is as if you had a new bout of the same disease, except that now you would find yourself in a fabulous hospital where instead of impatient nurses you would be cared for by angels.
Supposedly, astrology teaches us fatalism: you won't escape your fate! But in my view, astrology (please understand, astrology as a metaphor of life) says something far more subtle: you won't escape your life's theme! From this it follows, for example, that it is sheer illusion to want to start all over again, to begin "a new life" that does not resemble the preceding one, to begin, so to speak, from zero. Your life will always be built from the same materials, the same bricks, the same problems, and what will seem to you at first "a new life" will soon turn out to be just a variation of your old existence.
A horoscope resembles a clock, and a clock is a school of finality: as soon as a hand completes its circle and returns to its starting point, one phase is finished. Nine hands turn with varying speed on the horoscope dial and constantly some phase comes to an end and another begins. When someone is young, he is not capable of conceiving of time as a circle, but thinks of it as a road leading forward to ever-new horizons; he does not yet sense that his life contains just a single theme; he will come to realize it only when his life begins to enact its first variations."
And so I decided, out of boredom, to check my astrological compatibility with a rather fine looking sweet man I have come to know. This is not fact. It is a thematic evaluation that is very close and very accurate to MY reality that I take into consideration the next time I happen to spend some time with this fellow.
Love Compatibility of Aquarius with Virgo
This is a relationship that begins with a mental attraction and stays there. You are driven by originality and invention, offering new ideas and insight into everything you do. Your Virgo, on the other hand, is driven by accuracy and precision, focusing more on small details than the big picture. You may seem odd and quirky to your down-to-earth Virgo. He or she will most probably seem too practical and you may tire of the criticism, however well-intended it may be. This relationship will work if you learn to accept each other's vastly different approach to life.
So as long as a guy isn't a complete creeper, I could see myself not being turned off by the cheesy line, "So what's your sign?"
martedì 18 agosto 2009
Simpleton.
Sometimes the most mundane or "normal" of days can be the more enjoyable ones. I've been in a funk for the past couple of days and I kept thinking, "Geez I need a night of fun. I need to have some crazy fun to just jolt me out of this weird bluesy haze."
And today I woke up at a respectable hour, had some coffee, went to TJ Maxx to return something, walked around the mall, and came back to my sister's house. I had the whole house to myself for a few hours and did nothing but work on InDesign and post stuff on facebook. Such a simple, productive, errand running type of day yet I feel so much better this evening. I watched an episode of Gilmore Girls, had a glass of tea and I am ready to finish off a book that has taken a while to get through.
Such a light, quiet, and simple day has cleared my head. I'm glad I can enjoy the end of my vacation here away from the dark clouds that were hanging over my head.
I think I'm ready for that novel and a few episodes of Friends.
Cheers to a peaceful and happy night.
And today I woke up at a respectable hour, had some coffee, went to TJ Maxx to return something, walked around the mall, and came back to my sister's house. I had the whole house to myself for a few hours and did nothing but work on InDesign and post stuff on facebook. Such a simple, productive, errand running type of day yet I feel so much better this evening. I watched an episode of Gilmore Girls, had a glass of tea and I am ready to finish off a book that has taken a while to get through.
Such a light, quiet, and simple day has cleared my head. I'm glad I can enjoy the end of my vacation here away from the dark clouds that were hanging over my head.
I think I'm ready for that novel and a few episodes of Friends.
Cheers to a peaceful and happy night.
domenica 16 agosto 2009
Late night. Soon to sleep tight.
It's strange when your heart is in two places.
It's really a muscle that should not be stretched.
It's really a muscle that should not be stretched.
sabato 15 agosto 2009
giovedì 13 agosto 2009
Some old pictures.
I was digging through my photobucket and found some extremely old pictures I wanted to share.
rajeed doin' her thing
OH GOD, freshmen year? disneyland with the ladies
Christmas night with the besties a few years back. down town disney
One of our many walking trips to the target center near her house. This was at pizza hut
Huntington pier
some ben templesmith art <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v461/copprboom/21.jpg?t=1250221527">
mmmmmmmmmmm
When I first "cut" my hair. It was a big time in my life. Had a full head of hair for the first time in 6 years
Both of these ladies birthday weekend at the beach. Bonfire nights :)
One of out most famous best friend pictures
My twin driving around in california adventure
wedding. I thoroughly enjoyed my look that evening.
Just for you rajee. I miss benny!
Same wedding. Cute picture with the sister
MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and d-money at the irvine spectrum. My classic thumbs up pose.
:)
rajeed doin' her thing
OH GOD, freshmen year? disneyland with the ladies
Christmas night with the besties a few years back. down town disney
One of our many walking trips to the target center near her house. This was at pizza hut
Huntington pier
some ben templesmith art <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v461/copprboom/21.jpg?t=1250221527">
mmmmmmmmmmm
When I first "cut" my hair. It was a big time in my life. Had a full head of hair for the first time in 6 years
Both of these ladies birthday weekend at the beach. Bonfire nights :)
One of out most famous best friend pictures
My twin driving around in california adventure
wedding. I thoroughly enjoyed my look that evening.
Just for you rajee. I miss benny!
Same wedding. Cute picture with the sister
MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and d-money at the irvine spectrum. My classic thumbs up pose.
:)
An inconvenient fact.
I am terrible at reading signs.
When they are not there, I fabricate.
When they are there, they go right over my shy little head.
Good luck and apologies to any man that ever meets me.
When they are not there, I fabricate.
When they are there, they go right over my shy little head.
Good luck and apologies to any man that ever meets me.
lunedì 10 agosto 2009
Besides food.
If I could marry something not human, I would marry fall clothing. And at this point in time I would marry J. CREW's fall line. Sweet baby jesus.
1. Toothpick cords BUT in the color on the right
2. Ruffles!!!
3. Boyfriend blazer
4. perfect bluuueee coat
5. light pink wool pencil skirt
6. Cardigan with closure detail ( <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.jcrew.com/erez4/erez?src=images/eiec/17/17191/17191_BL8278.tif&tmp=prdDtIm">
7. Ahhhh the ruffled shooooeee
8. Heeled oxfords
9. silky two toned scarf
10. Solid knee highs
11. Patent leather burgundy skinny belt
And of course a bunch of their basic knitted tees and sweaters. And their headbands are just too adorable to even delve into at this point. I'm also dead set on finally buying one of their fleece lined cotton hoodies. Too comfy. Too adorable.
Haven't felt a shopping surge like this in a while.
mercoledì 5 agosto 2009
I want to shank the bitch.
I am not your liaison. I am not your personal messenger. I am not your friend anymore so...DO IT ON YOUR OWN BITCH.
ah goodness me, I just got verbally bitch slapped by the shadiness that is female behavior and now I want to walk up to her house and give her a good ole bitch slappin'.
I have realized that, for the most part, I hate the people that make up my gender. I love BEING a woman but I hate dealing with them. Most of them are shit talking, conniving, manipulative, passive aggressive little pains in the ass. Most of them are MEAN and stressful and make things 10x more complicated and drama filled than they need to be. I'm the opposite. I'm blatantly honest and I get told that sometimes telling the truth isn't always good, WHICH is bullshit. I don't meddle in your business and I get silent and awkward when people start talkin' shit. I only break that silence to try and defend the one who is being talked about just for a change of pace and then I get bitched at.
It's so hard to find coooool girls. Laid back. Relaxed. Fun to go shopping with but not obsessed with the money. Trustworthy to talk to instead of constantly fearing she'll use it against you. Cracking JOKES while we hang out instead of cracking DOWN on some other girl. Now you would think that I would have a shit load of guy friends because of this, but guys have their own problems that I won't get into and some of which tends to be more my fault. SO, I just don't have that many friends because the minute i start having to deal with unimportant stupid bullshit (which there is a ton of in Orange County, doesn't make my life any easier) I don't even bother. I've let go of long time best friends because of it; I've began distancing myself from new ones because of it. And although I have few friends, they are the coolest girls and guy (singular) that I know. And I'm not saying shit doesn't come up, but it's usually important or simple to work through. It's not the bullshit you get in other places, like rumors starting or shitty betrayals.
So the next time I'm listening to a guilty pleasure rap song and I hear women being referred to as bitches and hoes, I don't fill up with feminist anger and vehemence. I fill up with the acceptance that although that is offensive to me, I see that many many many women ARE in fact bitches and hoes.
I wish God's creation machine came with a label portion. Gender: Female, Label: Bitch. Ahh good I won't waste my time with that one.
I'm in search of...
Gender: Female, Label: FUCKIN' CHILL
and
Gender: Male, Label: THE OPPOSITE OF DOUCHE BAG.
My taste in people is rare and difficult to find. But my faith in people is strong.
ah goodness me, I just got verbally bitch slapped by the shadiness that is female behavior and now I want to walk up to her house and give her a good ole bitch slappin'.
I have realized that, for the most part, I hate the people that make up my gender. I love BEING a woman but I hate dealing with them. Most of them are shit talking, conniving, manipulative, passive aggressive little pains in the ass. Most of them are MEAN and stressful and make things 10x more complicated and drama filled than they need to be. I'm the opposite. I'm blatantly honest and I get told that sometimes telling the truth isn't always good, WHICH is bullshit. I don't meddle in your business and I get silent and awkward when people start talkin' shit. I only break that silence to try and defend the one who is being talked about just for a change of pace and then I get bitched at.
It's so hard to find coooool girls. Laid back. Relaxed. Fun to go shopping with but not obsessed with the money. Trustworthy to talk to instead of constantly fearing she'll use it against you. Cracking JOKES while we hang out instead of cracking DOWN on some other girl. Now you would think that I would have a shit load of guy friends because of this, but guys have their own problems that I won't get into and some of which tends to be more my fault. SO, I just don't have that many friends because the minute i start having to deal with unimportant stupid bullshit (which there is a ton of in Orange County, doesn't make my life any easier) I don't even bother. I've let go of long time best friends because of it; I've began distancing myself from new ones because of it. And although I have few friends, they are the coolest girls and guy (singular) that I know. And I'm not saying shit doesn't come up, but it's usually important or simple to work through. It's not the bullshit you get in other places, like rumors starting or shitty betrayals.
So the next time I'm listening to a guilty pleasure rap song and I hear women being referred to as bitches and hoes, I don't fill up with feminist anger and vehemence. I fill up with the acceptance that although that is offensive to me, I see that many many many women ARE in fact bitches and hoes.
I wish God's creation machine came with a label portion. Gender: Female, Label: Bitch. Ahh good I won't waste my time with that one.
I'm in search of...
Gender: Female, Label: FUCKIN' CHILL
and
Gender: Male, Label: THE OPPOSITE OF DOUCHE BAG.
My taste in people is rare and difficult to find. But my faith in people is strong.
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