Hur.

Cutting off about 6 inches of hair and being left with about 1.

It's really quite liberating.

I hate to be negative.

But sometimes shit just annoys me too much not to say anything.

Why is it that when something tragic happens to a particular nationality or race or group that the people who can call themselves a part of that group claim the upper hand and special right to grieve THE MOST or to especially demand the right to be hurt or sad more than any other human?

Why is it that when a plane full of Lebanese people die in a plane crash, every damn Lebanese person and their mother think their facebooks and daily life have to stop and be suddenly splattered with RIP and Lebanese flags?

I mean I get it. Being proud and loving your background is great. But let's face it. YOU WERE BORN AND RAISED IN THE FUCKING UUUUUUNITED STATES. Your hometown is not Beirut or the jnoub or Halba.

It's self proclaimed bullshit to give yourself some sort of proud identity. I actually think it's really selfish. Well intentioned sure - but selfish.

Because really we should mourn all human life lost. And instead of plastering your "grievances" on your blog or on facebook or in text messages, why don't you just take a moment to think about them, pray for them if that's your thing, be thankful for your own life, do what you can to help if it's a situation like Haiti that needs money and political push, and move on with your life. These things happen. It's tragic. But what's even more tragic is people exploiting them to create a self righteous image of caring.

We know you care. And so do I. But announcing it to the interwebz is not going to change anything. Sure, change your status and perhaps let someone know who didn't, remind someone to have them in their thoughts too, etc. But your profile and walking image does not need to be a self indulgent vigil, ESPECIALLY just because you're fucking Lebanese!!!

Damn. It's just annoying.

New blog.

Well you see, I've noticed that my blogs are usually random and whatever I just want to write about and I enjoy that. However, I want a blog that has more of point, a theme, a general thematic purpose. So on that note, I just created a new blog but I will make a post soon about it and when it will be ready for viewing and all that stuff. I really want to make it look different and - well I don't know. I'm working on it. Blogger options are limited (so if you or someone you know has a way of putting custom design into blogger, I would love a tutorial because I honestly would just love to design the page myself, but blogger has limitations i don't know how to get around).

I will always continue this one but I wanted something different to motivate me and hopefully my viewers/readers, something that has a daily theme to it so I have something to keep me going, and also just to have a great record of the things I make. But that's all I'm going to say for right now!

Tastes different.

I don't know what it is but my tastes are changing. Could be temporary but I think it's interesting.

I'm losing my obsession for some of my most favorite indulgences: chocolate, coffee, and all things creamy and greasy.

They are being replaced by: fine honeys, aged and really strong cheese (which used to make me want to barf), mustard (also had the barfing factor), and tea.

And last night I ate a salmon salad...salad...AS A MEAL. I used to think eating salad was a waste of time and a bit like eating crunchy air. But I enjoyed every delicious bite.

I've always worn my hair really short, choppy and a bit on the edgy side and now it's growing longer and flowy on me and I can't wait to have long luscious locks - with curls to boot!

AND GET THIS. I exercise out of pure enjoyment!! Not that half assed i-really-need-to-get-off-my-ass deal where I can't wait to stop and go snuggle up in my bed.

My...taste - so to speak...in people has also been a bit different. I have always surrounded myself with satirical, sardonic, and humorously cynical people. I found it funny, entertaining, and in a way cathartic. The people who are all laughs and quite detached, not exactly expressive of their thoughts or emotions. And I find myself falling away or feeling bored by such environments these days. Actually, people like that have come to really stress me out and bother me.

And I'm drawn to newer things in my life that are simply....well - happy. It's being silly and laughing hysterically at things that really aren't funny in the grand scheme of things but due to the nature of how happy we are around each other, it's fucking hilarious. It's full honesty. Fully genuine. It's comfortable and happy rather than comfortable as a routine or formality. It's optimistic and nice where everyone is really thoughtful of each other and all things feel healthy, fresh, and relaxed.

And it isn't as though it's been a conscious effort to "turn my life around" - a "new year and a new you." No. My tastes in things never bothered me from before. I never consciously thought to myself, "These are bad habits and I need to change." Those previous things always made me just as happy as these new things do now.

It kinda just...happened. Without consciously thinking about it. Sometimes our preferences just change on us.

And I think when these sorts of things happen people try to pull the deep thoughts chord and analyze the hell out of Why am I changing? I say all these things are just interesting turns and twists that happen as we grow up and up and up.

I think I quite like it.

What a TRIP.

Get it? Badump bum. [That's my lame pun drum roll]

So let me explain.

I have been in Savannah, Georgia for the past two days and have just returned back to my sister's house in Atlanta.

I think I saw my future.

I visited SCAD and saw groups of students laughing it up in a VERY NICE iMac lab. I saw school classrooms and hallways covered with amazing designs and paintings. I felt a home in Gallery Espresso, the local coffee shop. And I fell in love with the historical sea side town. I have no idea if that's where I'll end up but I wouldn't mind it. My desire to attend SCAD has increased 3 fold and then some. Whether it's the Atlanta location or the Savannah one is not something I'm sure of, but I know I want to specialize in something with an MFA there. Just seeing all that art work everywhere as a setting for school - hot damn.

I can't wait for the next semester to start.

Hell - I can't even wait to get back to California, load all the programs on my new laptop, and grab my sketch and just start making stuff. I have this strange idea of concocting my own visions of aliens. I've always loved alien looking strange creatures, especially morphed humans like what Jason Felix does. I think I'm going to start playing around with that.

Also if you're even in Savannah, which you should totally go because it's an amazingly beautiful town that has so much interesting history, please dine at Alligator's Soul. Possibly the most amazing dinging experience and food I have ever had. EVER.

That's the sad part.

I don't even think I have genuinely liked someone in years.

I think it's just a matter of proving to myself that I can attract someone.

I guess this isn't even my typical complaint about my romantic life or lack thereof.

Do you ever wonder if your own brain is just fucking with you?

You spend days or even months convinced that you feel or think a certain way, and then at a point that is far too late, you see that you're full of shit and can't do much about it. Sometimes if I think about it too long, it drives me mad. Trusting others is hard enough, but when you have to worry whether or not your own mechanisms are lying to you - well that's just fanfuckingtastic.

I'm all about the short thoughtlets lately - just little flashes of my current brain activity.

On that note, I feel the need to own up to a few more stupid thoughts of mine.

Every New Years and every birthday, one of the first thoughts I have is "This could be the age/year I get that first kiss." True story.

Also.

When I get into arguments, even those little ones like when somebody insults the music I listen to and I get really defensive about it, I replay it in my head over and over across the expanse of some time and each time I get mad. I still replay painful moments from years ago in my head every once and a while and still cringe. Moments like those are just as fresh to me now as they were then. It's not to say that's ALL I think about, but They definitely recur, like time - all of it - is always here, always happening, rather than a sequence of events creating past present and future.

They may be stupid thoughts but at least I know those are true - well, so says my brain right now.

Cross your fingers.