Opposites are really the same.

Ever dug your feet into blistering hot sand and had a moment where it actually felt cold?
Ever touched ice until it burned?

If you turn right enough times, you really went left.

Outside my house is inside the community.

If you travel east long enough, you'll be on the west coast.

If you love someone, they're really the only one you can really hate.

Hate is such a strong emotion. Yet we say it so much.

Maybe this isn't true for many people, but I'm the type of person that if I don't like you or if I dislike your values or qualities, I don't expend the energy it requires to HATE someone. Honestly, think about it. HATE is such a passionate emotion, such a driven and draining emotion. If someone is so worthless to me, they are not worth the bother. With the exception of out right evil people that go out of their way to do harm to others, you can really only hate a person you love. If a loved one wrongs you, you fill up with this raging emotion...to me that is hate...comprised of hurt and disappointment in some cases. But it never means I stop loving them. The opposites coexist.

Which brings me to another interesting thing, hate is fleeting. Love is permanent. You can hate your mom for the day she calls you a bitch in a heated argument, but you never stop loving her no matter how many times she does it. No matter how many days have passed that you haven't spoken to an old best friend, you can't stop loving them if you've loved them once. It may change to a distant caring or an occasional lingering thought of affection on a nostalgic day, but it's always there.

I can't say exactly how I got to thinking about this. I guess after thinking about it, it comes from how I refuse and almost fear investing in someone or growing to love someone if I don't value their ideals or thoughts or ways of life or respect who they are or what they do with their life. Because that means having a place for them in my heart for the rest of time. You just can't shake someone you love and the idea of holding onto a person like that scares me. I keep my love for people I'm amazed by, people who inspire me, people whom I can't fathom my life without.

I expect too much from people, but I only do it because I know that "too much" is possible. Humans are capable of "too much." And I don't think that's silly or too demanding or unreasonable. It's what I want and it's what I'm working on, making myself a person that deserves such.

It's why I don't bother making friends with every friendly or funny person. It's why I don't care to attend every social event. I have the ones i value. I have the ones I love. Most others, I don't bother with. They are not people i feel to be worth the energy. For me, they are not "too much."

It's why I've been alone all my life, and of course I mean the alone that friends and family are exempt from. And perhaps that's why I'm going to be alone for a while. I'm okay with that. Because I want the one I value. I want the one I will love, I want the one that has enough of me, enough to have the power to draw out my hatred. I want the one whose love I won't mind not being able to shake and whose occasional hatred will always be fleeting. A man who is "too much."

That'd be nice.